Zombies Have No Respect for Plumbing


I need a shower - Editor

by Tony Southcotte

Zombies have no respect for plumbing. They don’t teach you that when you fill out the paperwork for your apprentice license.

Since the plague slowed down, people didn’t see the need to finish off their family members. You just pay a wrangler to tie them up, slap a rubber ball in the mouth, and send them home. They may want to tussle with you every once in a while, but for the most part they just sit there. People hold on to some hope for a cure, but I know better. Christ could raise Lazarus, but Lord knows he wouldn’t try to bring a pork chop back to life.

I used to just pull hair out of drains. Use a snake or some other such tool to drag matted balls of bath grime and shaving leave-ins out of bathtubs.

This brings me to my current predicament. Standing in the shower of some blue haired granny who just couldn’t say goodbye to her oaf of a husband. I saw him walkin’ in, that festering pile of meat. The red ball in his mouth would have made him look like a pig on a spit, that is, if he still had any natural color left in him.

She called to tell me her drain was backing up; that a horrible smell and rusty colored substance was coming through. I figured it was a sewage back up. Not my favorite call, but you can gouge these people and they have to pay it.





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