Mail Order Bride

A fortnight after I had sent my application, a small package arrived by courier, the return address reading “Dr. Flahaven, East Orange, Vermont.”

I snatched the parcel from the courier’s hand, and forgetting to express my gratuity, slammed the door and scurried, anxious as a child on Christmas morning, into the parlor to examine my prize.

The package was stenciled in thick black letters with the words, “Store in a cool, dry place.” I pondered the meaning of the words for only a moment and then began in earnest to peel away the outer layers of paper and glue. The small box within was made of a sturdy corrugated paper, and folded in such a way as to allow me to unfold a flap and pull back the cover.

I slowly opened the carton and could not believe what I looked upon. Staring back at me from within the confines of the paper box was a pair of eyes of the deepest and loveliest light blue I had ever seen. They rested upon loose, moist cotton, long tendrils of nerve and muscle expertly coiled beneath each one.

At first I was disgusted and nearly dropped the box. But I soon gained my composure and looked upon the eyes more closely. Surely this was a hoax, and I the victim of a truly heartless jest?

Just as I was about to pinch one of the seductive orbs between the forefinger and thumb of my right hand, I noticed a slip of paper inside the box. It was stained with what appeared to be blood, but I could clearly make out the words when I held the note before me. “Store in a cool, dry place. Additional instructions to follow.” It was signed with the monogram, Dr. F.





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