Eye of the Beholder

I’ve finally come to the conclusion that the only course of action left is to make myself unattractive.  My face is too soft, too feminine.  So here I sit, with a blade from my mother’s razor.  The longer I stare into my own tiny, warped reflection, the more I wish it were one of my classmates I’m about to cut instead.

Maybe I would cut Stacy Hold with her Barbie-doll hair and vacant brown eyes.  I’ve seen her staring at my tits.  I would gladly take her A cups over my C’s if it would keep girls like her from being envious of my body.  Yes, she would be perfect.

I’m finding a sort of perverse satisfaction in picturing the scene.  I would corner her in the hallway, by her locker, or maybe in the shower after gym.  I can see myself stalking her like Snowball does lizards.  I wait until we’re alone, the bell has already rung and when she turns her back I pounce.  I dig my hand into that shiny, blonde ponytail and drag her to the ground where I keep her pinned.

I have the power now.  I’m the one in control and I spit every epithet I know as she cowers and cries for help, for mercy – except there’s no mercy here.  Digging a pocket knife out of my jeans, I flick it open with my free hand; I’ve obviously been practicing.  I drag the flat side down her cheek, reveling in the panic in her eyes as she realizes what I’m about to do.

I pull the point across her forehead.  Blood pools in the creases and I stare in wonder.  My heart pounds to the rhythm of Stacy’s screams.  We are creating our own morose music; I am the percussion and she the melody.

A prick of pain pulls me from my imaginings.  The vision fades and with it the smile of satisfaction I didn’t know I’d been sporting.  My morbid fantasy has left me energized, a little aroused.  Is it wrong to be turned on by such gruesome thoughts?  I’m not sure I care if it is.





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This is me: home-writer, book-reader, dog-lover and occasional poet. I make this website to share my and my friends texts with You, dear Reader. Please: read carefully, don't be scary, upgrade your mood and be king and leave your comment. :)